M

So last year, I started dating this girl. We'll call her M. She was the best person I've ever had the honor to date. We were great for each other and had lots of fun. Then around my birthday, I T.P.ed my worst enemy's house who just happened to be one of her ex-boyfriends. She doesn't want me to do it but me and a few friends do it anyway. The next day, I find out that she calls him and tells him that I did it. So I get pissed and I break up with her. But then I had some time to think, to reassess our relationship. I did, and I realized I made a huge mistake, and I got her back.
And life was good.
Then I started thinking, (unfortunately) and then one week later, I call her up and say that we've "drifted apart" and a bunch of other B.S. I know now that that is a ridiculous reason for the circumstances because since we had a fight one week prior, we never even got to go on a date or anything to reconnect and realized how much we loved each other... So my reason was bogus... I think it might have been because the relationship was getting too real for me, and that scared me? I don't know...

But I did it. I broke up with her, again. We still wanted to be friends and we did stay friends. I even took her home one day and... nevermind...

So we try and stay friends, and it works for a while. But then we start acting a mean to each other because we still liked one another. However we stick through it and try to stay friends. We always apologized about whatever we did to make eachother mad at that moment in time. Just back and forth apology after apology.
The fights start getting worse and we start thinking one of us is mad at the other.
Then it just simmered in a vat of annoyance and arguments.
She stops liking to talk to me (expected)
She stops liking me all (also expected)
I, instead of try to solve the problem (if that's even possible) open up an entirely new fight. This, however, is the last straw, the end of the line. The next time I talked to her I tried to smooth things over. Her response?
"please leave me alone forever
i have no interest in talking to you
whatsoever
is that clear ?
now back off"

Knife through the heart...
The only girl I truly loved...
But I brought it upon myself, so please don't feel bad for me.
So what do I do now? Well, I've been trying what I think will work to try and get her to talk to me, because to this day, 3+ months later, She hasn't said a word do me. Not face to face, not on the phone, not via internet... nothing...
The only things I've really been trying was talk to her friends who are also my friends and see if her opinion of me has changed...it has not...
One of our mutual friends had a birthday party and M said to her that if I come that she'll leave until I leave... I deserve that...
All I want is to talk to her... I see her every day at school... and every time I do I bite the inside of my mouth to try and keep my composure...

I've run out of ideas for me to do. I'm thinking about mailing her a letter... although I doubt she'll open it...

If she wants to talk to me, regardless, whether she just had a breakup, or if she wants to yell at me for all of the things I've done to her, I'll be glad to listen...

And if she's reading this, then I'd just like to say that I'm sorry, and I hope you will find it in your heart to talk to me again... even if I don't deserve it...

Update, Dec 13, 2009: I know i usually update on new Blogs, but I've decided to not do that any more, and I don't want eeveryone to see this and think i'm insane,
but anyways
M had unblocked me
I can't put into words what emotions I feel, but I'll just say that they are positive ones.